Concert date drawning as near as only two days away…
My cello isn’t sounding good as it was only three days ago. With so fastidious a creature, I must carry through every single day, with myself no less so.
To quote a part from This Side of Paradise–the Narcissus Off Duty chapter:

“”….I’m a slave to my emotions, to my likes, to my hatred of boredom, to most of my desires–”
“You are not!….. You’re a slave, a bound helpless slave to one thing in the world, your imagination.
“you let your imagination shinny on the side of your desires for a few hours, and then you decide. Naturally your imagination, after a little freedom, thinks up a million reasons why you should stay, so your decision when it comes isn’t true. It’s biassed.
This has nothing to do with will-power; that’s a crazy, useless word, anyway; you lack judgement–the judgement to decide at once when you know your imagination will play you false, given half a chance.””

So I should not let my imagination play with myself and blind my reason. I have plenty of reason… I use it to analyze… everything.. around me.. but only myself…? As always, I can only come back to the same old conclusion that I am plain lazy–and yet worrying and with high standards for myself, all the time… what a pity my entire life is.

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