okay.. the enchanting cellist is quite disenchanted. what happens in this case? what is the cure? LOVE perhaps, love for practicing?

Today I got to sit in on my teacher’s Aural Heritage Seminar, where you listen to a bunch of old recordings and try to learn about the distinctive qualities/characteristics of each legendary player. I usually have a voice class from 5 to 6 so I don’t get to go sit in usually. I really liked it.. and all the people in it. Most of them are my friends and people I like very much – it would be nice to be in this class with them but sadly it’s only availble to juniors and up. It’s also offered once every two years so by the time I get to take it… 😦

Anyway, the reason why I bring this up is because I got to listen to Josef Szigeti play, and I was moved to tears. There was something about his playing that made things sound so sincere and sad in a naked emotional way but never in the self-indulgently sentimental way, resulting in something that sounded so universally sympathetic and also, in some way, spiritual and uplifting. There definitely was a sense of very sadness, though. I think sadness is the truly human feeling. Because animals can be happy and babies can be happy… but feeling pain for someone else and crying for someone else really is a more sophisticated feeling than sheer happiness and joy. That sort of sympathy I think makes one a sophisticated human being. (and, yes, sohpisticated is such a sad word in the way it’s abused so badly so often so much.)

What other things from today.. yes, we were discussing something about the trickly role of being an artist and how it is especially difficult for people pursuing this profession to be ego-less. A guy in the class used an example of Cecil Taylor, who played at our school’s Jordan Hall Centennial Festival opening concert for 40 minutes.. just improvising while more or less ignoring his audience. This, and the role of art, are something I think of all the time, probably as much as I think of my SELF, because it is something with which I am personally associated and a field in which I work and study.

[Yes, I realize all of this stuff is in bits and pieces and more in the form of “memo’s for self,” but alas, in a way that is what this place sometimes is for me – do you sometimes realize that? Yes.]

On an extended note, I think I need to talk to my teachers more – namely my Buddhist Philosophy professor and my cello teacher.

I really like meditative music. Don’t you? Isn’t that what we all need at the end of the day? Isn’t that what we really try for and pursue ultimately?

Wow.. I really feel like a 14/15/16-year-old again. (Haha.. as if that’s been a long time.)

Anyway, your cellist is very disenchanted. I should get into practicing more. Nothing so much fascinates me – I can’t find something to love so much – is this what happens when one is so busy? I think I really should practice. Enough of this wandering.. this gets pretty sickening and old after a while, too, you know. This sick taste in my mouth..

Besides, this very adolesent flavour, ah, I can’t stand it. Wow! And it’s so me, too! Fun is only so much fun. I realize this. Yes.

Okay Soo, stop being stupid sarcastic, that’s getting pretty old, too. Eh.. okay.


your adolescent confused scatterbrained neurotic

disenchanted cellist.