Uh.. if the last two entires were a little too personal and revealing for you, do not freak out, I’m not usually as personal as I was when writing them. Though, it is my blog after all, and I can get as personal as I want and and reveal as much of myself as I deem fit, and you can all leave and not read if you can’t take it. (No lurking hostility.. just being frank with you, my friend.) (A friendly smile.. a non-toothy one.)

Life just seemed a little scary to me, a moment or two ago. Actually, I had a glimpse of its scariness last night in a passing second, but shook it off and went to bed; I am up, listening to this monster of a pianist Horowitz playing encore pieces, and being completely awed, and well, at this very moment I feel okay listening to the hooo.. glorious punchy chords in the Mendelssohn Wedding March Variations.. and now the soothing Elegie from Lieder ohne Worte.. *sigh*..

Sorry I got carried away –

but I felt.. that life is so scary… because there are so many of us. It’s good when we are all just friends – but then in this world, we must all go in and fight for a spot where we won’t get crushed. It is a scary Capitalist, cutthroat meritocratic world we live in.

Life can seem so beautiful when we are not engaged in the mundane activities of the Real World out there. It seems almost possible to live without too much misery, just to be grateful for every new day.. but it really isn’t so when you look into the Face of Reality.

In this book I am reading it says art yields the momentary restoration of the balance among the world, between Nature and Man, the balance that started to falter as soon as man decided that he could control Nature. Does this sound much too simplistic romanticization? I think, however, every bit of cynicism is in fact a mere protective measure humans have learned to take on as the world and the way of human life became unbearable for them. Really the most cynical ones are the ones who once had the most faith.

Anyway, yes.. I am frightened by this world sometimes. I just feel that I am not ready to go in for a fight for my life. “Survival of the fittest” indeed, and wussies can crawl into their little hermit corners and die a miserable and trivial death as the inconsequential beings that they are, the world will carry on just with the ones who can deal with viciousness. (I think “Survival of the fittest” is the saddest slogan of the modern world. It’s especially sad how Darwin really did not mean it in societal terms yet the relevancy of the skewed interpretation has made it to be the credo of the modern world.)

So the more I grow up, the more I see how important Art is, even just for my personal sanity. This world is tiring, exhausting.. it seems sometimes that one must fight the entire world swallowing one whole. It is an unnerving prospect that is only so true when/if one decides to look at life that way. This is how I often felt last semester, leathargic, enervated, every morning a a tide of lassitude taking every ounce of energy and hope away from me.


Horowitz plays on his encores.

I should go eat. Yay. I will conquer the world. I have decided that extreme pessimism is unhealthier than extreme optimism. So, I go the latter way.

*blows kisses and bubbles to the sunny rainbowy world*

Hello World, here I come!!!


yours truly,

curly Soo.