I wish my life had been different, maybe.

Maybe I wish I hadn’t come to law school and had just stuck with what I was doing.  My life is pretty confused right now as far as I can tell, although it could go on the way it is.. I am not going to be young forever so need to get a career started and run with it. I don’t see it yet.  I think I am still much better at cello than law school (and potentially law work as well, maybe) and I like it much better.. if I could get a decent orchestra job the pay would be about the same, so why did I make this choice?

I know that at some point I will ll have to decide which path to take and then stick to it, that if I am always thinking about one while doing the other, it doesn’t really help me become good at either. I feel so good and right, happy and content when I am playing — rehearsing, performing, whatever. Well, I knew that already.

I don’t know. I still need to find a job, and work a little bit — and then I may be in a better position to tell whether I totally suck at or hate doing law. I am just feeling like well, I am so much better at this other thing which I also like so much, so why am i trying to reinvent the wheel?

I have been reinventing the wheel for the last three years. Now if i go back to doing music professionally, then I’d go back to grad school, then it will be more loans for me on top of the 100K I have racked up with this JD degree. And the two degrees I have are so far away from each other that I’m not sure how having one thing can be helpful to the other.

My life is a mess and i am tired of it. Ugh. I’m generally content as long as I can play a couple of concerts a year with good friends, which is totally manageable. I’ll get a job as a lawyer and try to find something that i like and might be good at within that.